I run a risk every time I watch a film or a documentary. I shouldn't really be surprised, it happens every time listen to an album or even read a book. But every time I watch such a film I run the risk of being inspired -- fooled, even, into thinking I possess the power and talent and ability to create something with even 1/3 of the importance, emotion, and impact that was just played out before me. For that hour and a half or so that they are on screen, the stars and subjects bring me into their world. I'm let into their own little club to which I'm foolishly deluded enough to believe I belong.
It doesn't necessarily matter who is on screen or how long ago their heyday was, they only need to have had some impact on me. It could be Gilda Radner, or Willa Cather, or Gracie Allen and I would still feel just as much awe and amazement for them. But, I'd also be driven and inspired to follow their lead and make my mark on the world, however small that mark or my corner of the world may be.
I love that feeling. It's such an incredible rush to be driven to do something so great as to warrant being remembered beyond your time. Yet, it's one of the most frustrating feelings I've ever encountered. My heart is soaring higher and faster than my mind can possibly comprehend, but in reality I'm still in my little apartment building, still an unknown woman in a sea of faces and avatars.
I dream of accomplishing so much of touching others and creating a name for myself in one way or another, yet I'm tied to the ground, anchored by "reality" and the pressure that comes from being inspired by the best that has come before me. I'm spinning my wheels and every second that goes by it feels harder and harder to achieve. My heart knows it and aches in response. I'm shaking with the desire and the need to create, but I'm somehow simultaneously paralyzed.
I've told myself countless times that I have to begin before I can accomplish, so, here it is. This is a beginning. This is me showing the world what I can do, and what I can do outside the confines of 140 characters.
What can I do? Well, I can create, and I can create in a number of different mediums. But, above all else, I can write, and it's through my writing that I want to leave my mark and, perhaps, inspire or touch others. It may not always be clever, or funny, or profound, but it will always be me.
Ready? Let's begin.
Say on, Janelle!
ReplyDeleteAs usual, your ability to put forth into words the deepest feelings we all feel has raced straight to top prominence, even in this short introductory blog, and this, in my opinion is certainly one of many vital ways that you will touch people with your thoughtful writings.
Here's to overcoming reality's "anchor blues"!
And you shall Janelle. you are one the smartest, most interesting, funniest people I know. I have no doubt, one day you"ll leave your mark.
ReplyDeleteOh, hurray! Very lovely first post! I too get those moments of sudden inspiraton. But I can't write. XD I'll just stick with my (hopeful) science career. :)
ReplyDeleteIt is obvious that you have *more* than enough talent and moxie to achieve whatever you set out to do!
ReplyDeleteIt is wonderful that you are writing this, and it has created much happiness!
Glad to see you entered the blogsphere, or whatever clever name they now use to refer to the multitude of blogs on the web, and this was a nice opening salvo.
ReplyDeleteI am reminded of a great quote by T.E. Lawrence:
"All men dream… but not equally. They who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it is vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they act their dream with open eyes to make it possible."
Upon reading this post, your eyes appear open, and I for one can not wait to read your dangerous visions. Namaste.